Wound still looks as though I have had a javelin through my hip, but at least it's not oozing tonight. Hoping that I can get back to work next week....fingers crossed. Christ, never thought I would hear myself say that.
I was contacted by my colleague, the Irish Setter. She rang to ask how I was and we chatted about the impending redundancy firago. I think I have decided that I will express my interest. There are crappy call centre/part-time jobs out there....I'm sure that I could get one whilst I (hopefully) study for the teaching assistant's course.
Am feeling very drab at the moment. I guess that it what comes of wearing velour leisure pants for over a week. My hair is rather long, but I am seeing gay hairdresser Stephen tomorrow night....that's if I can lean back comfortably with my manky hip. It is getting so long at the back - he keeps telling me that I should grow it slightly...but I feel like one of Kajagoogoo with this raging mullet at the back of me. So, I am having it cut properly tomorrow...none of this fannying about. The thing is, there is a fine line between having one's hair short, looking stylish like Juliet Binoche in 'Damage' and on the other side of the coin...looking like KD Lang on a bad day. I would favour the former over the latter any time.
I often wonder about lesbians. I mean, let's examine the key points when it comes to those with venetian tendencies:
- By definition, lesbians like women
- By definition, a woman should look like a woman, not like a Bulgarian shot-putter
- So, why do so many lesbians look like Bulgarian shot-putters?
- And why do they end up with quite attractive, femme women?
- Am I missing something?
- Do I look like a Bulgarian shot-putter (as opposed to a member of Kajagoogoo?)?
- Do I go for women who look like BSP's? God, I bloody hope not?
I apologise if, in the course of my dialogue, I have inadvertently offended any Bulgarian shot-putters. On another note, if there are any of you BSP's out there who don't look like KD Lang, please see me afterwards...
My previous relationships have been with a) a computer nerd who fucked me over and b) a prison nurse who had a very fixed idea of the kind of woman she wanted (ie...not me) and wanted me to change beyond recognition. I'm beginning to think that all lesbians might just be the same. Bonkers. Don't get me wrong, I haven't given up hope completely. I just think that a lot of people out there are so false.
Having said that, are men any better? I have been engaging in witty banter with a Facebook friend who I went to school with. But it could never be anything other than 'witty banter'. For two reasons.
- He is a recovering alcoholic - in itself, this is fine. However:
- He is an Oasis fan........for this, there is no known cure.
And I just don't 'do' men anymore. Simple as that. Perhaps I am meant to grow old like Ann Widdecombe (only with better hair, please God). The world will think that I am an old crone, untouched by another human's hand.
I mean, most of the gay women on these t'internet sites. They look as butch as hell. Or they look quite attractive, but you know that they will only want a bit of three-way fun with their husbands. Life is just so fucking sordid.
OK, to end with, a list of my 'guilty pleasures'. Songs on my iPod that I love, but feel really bad about. Please don't hold it against me:
- 'The Man Who Sold The World' - Lulu. Jason Orange's MILF does tip-top Bowie cover
- 'A Little In Love' - Cliff Richard. I wholeheartedly blame Madam Verte for this.
- 'Annie's Song' - John Denver. One of my mam's favourites. Speccy-four-eyes-songsmith-cum-crap-light aircraft-pilot
- 'Show Me The Way' - Peter Frampton. The hair. The 'talking' guitar. WTF.
- 'Ay Ay Ay Ay Moosey' - Modern Romance. Words fail me, they really do.
- 'Gypsy Woman (La Da Dee La Da Da)' - Crystal Waters. Reminds me of clubbing in early 90's. And not in a good way, let me tell you.
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