So, what have I been up to this week? Well, just relaxation, meeting up with friends and good times. That's the way that a week off should be. I haven't done any college work. I'm sure that I will get my groove back tomorrow when the reality of work crashes down upon me like a hammer.
I had my third Come Dine With Me date last night. It was very nice, but now that I have joined the middle-classes and purchased a dining table, I rather objected to taking my own tray and eating my meal off my knee. Plus, I left the bloody tray behind. I am a tad concerned. This is Easington, after all. That tray will have gone straight up someone's nose. Sold on the black market to a bloke with a dog on a piece of string or something. I am rapidly becoming the Margot Leadbitter of Roker. Give me a week or two and I will be wearing a floor-length dress and going to enunciation classes.
Went into York on Friday, to celebrate my 38th year. I sashayed into Jo Malone and had my arms rubbed by a woman with very long nails and a very gay hair-style. I thought that she might have been a 'friend of Dorothy's', what with the rather 'busy' haircut, but then observed her talons. No bona fide gay lady would find nails like that to be functional. I also indulged in a breakfast at Betty's Tea Rooms - absolutely divine.
Anyway, I was thinking about terrible lyrics in songs (going off on a huge tangent there). There have been some truly atrocious ones, over the years. So, my choicest morsels are (in no particular order):
- 'Hermann loves Pauline and Pauline loves Hermann. They made love and gave birth to a little German.' - 'Hermann Loves Pauline by Super Furry Animals
- 'De do do do, de da da da is all I want to say to you' - 'De do do do, de da da da' by The Police. Sting, you deserve to have your tongue cut out for being the purveyor of such banal lyrics, get back to the rainforest, you TWAT.
- 'You fill up my senses, like a night in a forest' - 'Annie's Song' by John Denver. Ok, John...you like this woman, right? So, what is the best way to convey your feelings? Flowers? A ring? A declaration of love? No, you decide to tell her that she makes you feel 'shit-scared'. Like being lost in Kielder. L-o-s-e-r.
- 'White Lines (Don't Don't Do It)' by Grandmaster Flash Featuring The Furious Fibe & Melle Mel. Yanks - don't they understand? Don't Don't Do It?? Two negatives makes a positive - therefore, they are actually advocating the use of cocaine in this cheery mid-1980's ditty. Yanks? Planks.
- 'Make love, like a man. I'm a man. That's what I am' - 'Make Love Like A Man' by Def Leppard. They're from Sheffield. It explains a lot. Really, it does.
OK, so these are the ones that really stand out. I am convinced that there are many, many more. However, I shall save them for another blog entry.
