Tuesday 31st May

First day back at Shitty Central following a whole week away.  Actually, it's been a reasonably good day, if I'm honest.  But let's not bore ourselves by talking about work.  Low point of the day?  Amazingly, there wasn't one.  High point of the day?  A Greggs' sausage roll followed by a pork and black pudding patty in the restaurant - OMG....a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!!
OK.  So, last night went to see Take That (why the fuck???) with my good buddy, Madam Verte.  I wanted to rekindle our gigging experience, as we have always been prolific gig-goers.  And, to be honest, I quite fancied seeing Pet Shop Boys.  They were fab.  That was the high point.  Take That took to the stage, and oh boy...what I would have given to be armed with a sock full of hot, wet shit when Robbie took to the stage.  The bloke's ego was bigger than the fucking venue.  I dislike him intensely.  He made a scathing remark about the local females favouring 'pissing in the street when drunk'.  Whilst he may have had a fair point, there was no need to say that in front of 54,000 people. Most of them wimmin!!!  And how did they respond?  Chucking rotten apples?  Plastic pint glasses of piss?  Booing?  No.  They fucking applauded. Seriously. I did not.  Instead, I pursed my lips and cast a steely glare at the stage.  I can imagine that he was petrified, eh?
Madam Verte seemed to have a blast.  I enjoyed some of it, but couldn't get past the fact that one is a pint-sized fanny rat, one has a speech impediment, one is a cunt and one has shagged Lulu.  And that only leaves Gary Barlow.  Can't really say anything bad about him, as he has to endure the other four cunts and write everything for them. Respect, GB.  Fucking respect.
So, who did I see as soon as I got into the venue?  Only my friendly 'back massager', Madam Munchkin.   We have shared a lot together as practitioner and client.  I came out to her whilst she was pummelling my back.  My gaydar was going mad - off the fucking scale, always knew that she had 'venetian tendencies', and turns out that she had also suspected about my 'leanings'.  She was sitting with a gaggle of friends, and I knew immediately which one was her girl.  No make-up, short hair, regulation 'Berghaus' fleece walking shoes and ill-fitting jeans.  She caught my eye, and said 'hello'.  That was all.  I lost her when the main act took to the stage.  Also lost the will to live when the main act took to the stage.
And so to the aftermath - a long walk home with the masses.  Madam Verte had a great night - so great in fact that she had to take to her bed again today!  I, on the other hand, went to work, having slept like shite - so felt crap all day.  Thank God it was a relatively easy day.

End of the holiday......

It had to happen.  Almost the end of a glorious week off.  Food, friends, way too much wine and good times - work tomorrow.  Wrong.
I am off to see Take That tonight with Madam Verte.  She is one of my oldest friends - love her to bits.  Her dad was best of friends with my dad when they were growing up - sweet, really.  We lost touch after school, but were back in touch when my mam was dying.  Something good can come out of something quite hideous.
I didn't really fancy seeing TT.  However, I was walking to see Madam Verte on Saturday, who lives near to the concert venue.  I could hear the support band and felt very nostalgic, all of a sudden.  Hearing The Pet Shop Boys reminded me of happy times growing up and being at comprehensive school.  I will always remember Christmas 1987 - not sure why.  I recall that my parents bought me the following albums (on vinyl, mind...):

• 'Introducing The Hardline According To...' by Terence Trent D'Arby
• 'Red' by The Communards
• 'Actually' by The Pet Shop Boys

Now, some may argue that these are shit.  I, however, disagree.  They seemed to capture a sublime moment in time for me.  Teenage discos at 'Rascals' in Sunderland City Centre.  I had the most humongous crush on Steven Dodds.  Christ, I lusted after him for many, many months.  But, he didn't even know I existed.  His friend, Keir Morrison had the hots for me big style (proper puppy-dog looks and valentines card in Morse code) and declared his love for me (he actually said 'I love you') over a tray of freshly-baked fairy cakes in Home Economics.  I responded in the natural adolescent way of telling him to 'drop dead'.  Keir, if (by some miracle) you read this blog, I want to say I'm so sorry.  Teenage love is awful - unrequited love even worse.  So, sorry.  After this outburst, he went around telling all his mates that I was a lesbian.  Which was really mature of him.  And also very prophetic......

I also remember beach parties at Whitburn, where lots of Merrydown cider was consumed (not by me, I was usually the one carrying my pissed mates back to the bus stop - seriously).

I really would love to try a school reunion, but fear that I am looking at things through rose-tinted bi-focals - the memories are always better than reality.

I understand from various friends that some of my cohorts are no longer alive.  Life is cruel sometimes, but can be dappled with wonderful moments.  

I've been reminiscing......

....about the 'olden days'.  'How did this come about, Madam Noir?',  I hear you cry.  Well, I decided upon a sojourn to Newcastle to meet Madam Parisienne and, on route, stumbled upon an old, tattered double CD in a nameless box.  Imagine my surprise when, upon removing the CD, I discovered a second one buried 'neath it!  What was it?  Only 'The Best Rave Anthems In the World'!  A mighty collection of early 90's dancey-style 'classics'.  Standout choons were:

• 'Don't You Want Me' - Felix
• 'LSI' - The Shamen
• 'Seven Ways to Love' - Cola Boy (thankfully, not a paean to bum/mouth sex - can't actually think of the other '5' - any ideas?)
• 'Insanity' - Oceanic

These 'classics' reminded me of fond nights at local den of iniquity, 'The Blue Monkey' (RIP).  Ah, it was a skanky hole, make no mistake.  Drugs aplenty. Although I did not indulge - the hardest thing I have ever ingested being a dihydrocodeine for a bad back last year - when I developed a 'middle-class injury' (trademark, Miss Underscore) whilst bending down to pick up empty red wine bottles to put in the recycling bin.  

I used to go to the Blue Monkey on a Thursday and Saturday evening to dance maniacally with my buddy, Alison.  My, we were a sexy pair - 8-hole Doc Marten boots, black skirts, love beads and woolly cardies (purchased from the grandad's section at Marksies, naturellement).  Is it any wonder that I ddn't have a boyfriend until I was 18? By God, I was exotic in those days - I used to drink Cointreau.  Yes.  Fucking Cointreau.  How gay is that???

We both loved our music, but we were never really a hit with the boys.  Perhaps, looking back, I was never meant to be that conventional.  My friend is still married to the first bloke she slept with and I have immersed my foot (amongst other things) in deeper waters.  I recall the first lad that I kissed was called Ben and this was at legendary indie skank-pit - Ku Club.  The sort of place where you never really hung around in the same spot for too long for fear of the carpet coming with you as you moved.  I only 'went with him' (bleurghh!) as my friend, Rachel had copped off with his mate.  It was the least I could do! In fact, I was never too sure whether the toilets actually worked, as there was always a watery trail as soon as you stepped into the ladies.  May as well have pissed on the floor (and I'm sure that some did).

Went past Ku Club the other day on a very rare visit to the city centre.  I noticed that it is no longer a club.  Sad.   

Great tracks that I simply MUST download.....

OK, latest update on hip/happening tracks:

• 'We Were Children' - Tribes.  Don't know much about this band, but this is one hell of a good tune.
• 'Pumped Up Kicks' - Foster The People.  Not actually released until 20th June, but a fine piece of work.
• 'I Need You' - TMS.  Not my usual kinda thing (a bit rappy) - but bloody good.  Out 30th June.

Saturday 28th May

OK, am now starting to think a bit about work on Monday, after a lovely week off.  But not before another couple of good days with friends (off to Newcastle soon to meet a good friend, who shall remain nameless, until I can think of a suitable codename for her).
Strange thing last night.  Decided to have an early night, went to bed at 10 - couldn't sleep.  Bloody Take That were making a cacophony of noise at the local ratbag football stadium.  Got up, got dressed and went for a 2-mile seaside walk.  In the dark.  At 10.30pm.  With drunks stumbling about and that.  I stood and watched the sea lapping against the shore - it was quite moving.  Fast forward to 7.45am this morning - Christ, I almost fell up the stairs to the bathroom, as my gammy knees nearly gave way from the walking.  Every action has a consequence, eh?
Anyway, work have decided to ask everyone of they are interested in redundancy.  I shall be running like a greyhound to register my interest on Monday.  I am ready for a change.  Really fancy going down the 'teaching assistant' route.  I figure that I would be good at it, unlike the crones at Miss Underscore's place - I can string a sentence together, have my own teeth, and don't have a criminal record or smoke.  I crave a life without any stress, bitchiness or strife.  Too much to ask?

Some more recommendations, if I may???

Ok, some great tunes that I have recently stumbled upon - thanks to XFM and my iPod:

• 'Muscle Museum' by Muse - I actually have the album that this comes from, but have never played it as it is in a box under my stairs buried 'neath a leathery grave of shoes.
• 'Rearrange' by Miles Kane - fantastic tune - quite retro in a funny sort of way.
• 'Colin Zeal' by Blur - this was taken from 1993 album, 'Modern Life is Rubbish' - thought it was great then and still think so now.
• 'H' by Julian Plenti - no lyrics, just a lot of moaning (and not in a sexual way either).
• 'Like Eating Glass' by Bloc Party - what a great track.  I have only one question....how does he know?
• 'Submission' by The Sex Pistols - far and away the best track from 'Never Mind The Bollocks'.
• 'Return' by Shed Seven - ah, Rick Witter...what an unfortunate last name you have sir....
• 'Light and Magic' by Ladytron - swoooooonnn....I love Ladytron, they can do no wrong in my eyes.

That is all.

Saturday 21st May 2011

Ah, the weekend.  Bliss.  And what makes it better is that I have a whole week off work - sweet relief.
Anyway, I am sitting here on a Saturday night, while the rest of the world goes clubbing or something - listening to music and sipping Bordeaux.
A good day out was had with my good friend, Miss Underscore.  We took off to Newcastle (after I had had my trotters painted by the lovely Olivia) and took in some fine dining at Nando's - olives as always were EPIC! The lascivious Paolo was there - he's just a bit too touchy feely, I think.
I am now listening to punk and new wave classics on Radio Newcastle - classic.  Miss Underscore was trying (unsuccessfully, I might add) to get me to but a Roberts Revival radio today.  I resisted.  Although I do favour the 'cassis' colour - very nice.  (Ah, a classic has just come on - 'Public Image' by PIL - great tune....).
So, tomorrow, the Race for Life with Claire and a bunch of nondescripts.  I can't wait to get back and just doss around, to be honest.
Work this week was utter toss.  We had a visit from the head honchos to provide us with an 'update' on the restructure.  This resulted in much chin-stroking, navel-gazing and arse-licking.  None of those by me, I might add.  I was just feeling unwell from the stench of obsequiousness.  My god, my cohorts certainly know how to fawn.
Hmm, wonder if that is the first time that a blogger has used the word 'obsequiousness' ?
And furthermore....the best thing about being single and having no-one to make an effort for - eating chunks of garlic at Nando's and mackerel fillets from M & S....result!!!!