Just waiting once again for the district nurse to come a-calling. I have been considering my future, since receiving the letter from work about my 'expression of interest' in redundancy. I keep telling myself that it is the right thing to do, but am so utterly shit-scared by it all. Added to this is the fact that I have no-one but myself to rely on in the world. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of wonderful friends. But that will not help me pay the bills. I would be saying goodbye to my pension...but like I have said before, part of me doesn't actually think that I will live that long anyway. I am torn between the 'life's too short, enjoy it while you can' ethos and the 'look after the future' school of thought (my dad was a real stickler for this)
The thought of looking for another job and trying to 'fit in' somewhere else doesn't fill me with dread, so much as 'i can't be fucking bothered to make the effort' - bet that sounds really lazy, eh?
Does a job really define who you are as a person? Personally, I think not.
Anyway, I was also thinking about how happy I am living alone. I have been reflecting a lot lately (call it my age!) and was thinking about when I shared my home with Debbie. When I look back to when she left, I was in bits - just couldn't see how my life could go on without her in it. Now, I am so pleased that circumstances took the turn that they did. It could never have continued. Maybe I am selfish, but I am fiercely independent and don't want to have to answer to anyone. Then there was Julie. Total 'rebound' relationship. She wanted me to be someone else. No-one has the right to ask that of a partner. If I'm not good enough as I am, then screw you. I read on Facebook recently that she was going on a date. Hope that she found what she was looking for. I think it speaks volumes that I haven't been on the lookout for anyone since.
Wonder what it is that makes some people find a partner and set up home, have a family, etc - whilst others don't?
Moving on to more pressing matters. My plans for the day? Might do some ironing. Perhaps pop to get some groceries. Watch more crap DVD's. God, I am yearning for a scone of the day, Miss Underscore. It's been far too long.
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